imma gonna


Told Imma shame
keep the self expression down
silence my mind
stop exposing the underbelly
pull away from helping others
don’t do it
not cool man
imma not gonna do it
i love all way
too much to close
doors just ’cause
someone is disgraced
by my being me
i’m all i got
i write things here i hafta
keep with us
cause if my friends
see it their discomfort
grows and creates
a me
that does not exist

AND I BURN THE ROOTS WAVE STEROID CURSE AND WISH THE PAIN BE FELT AS I


The buzz of nerve
A refrain of screaming nerve cells
Burning back to calves
Thinking it done
Another haze of militant
Steroids enters
I think this time
I will control it
They will not ruin my days
After two days realizing
They won
I fought and tried
But the way they ravage
Through the body and mind
Is a realization
That I do not want
To live like this forever
I tried I wish my body love
I loved my friends
But they just got tired
Of my illnesses and up down
Up down emotion with each
Set of steroid shots
Or new drugs gone wrong
Can’t blame them
I would avoid me too
I wish I could
Thinking I’m writing jazz mails
Turns out to be taken the wrong way
Hated and lectured to again
For dedication and thanks
In helping me with music
They hang and stroke the back of ego cat
Finding new ways to push away
New rules for me to live by
Learned my place
Is ashes across a wave
Or six feet underground
Just have to wait and figure
The best way this time
This time was too much
I thought I was joking
And each word was hated
Each call avoided
When all I wanted to do was
A short hey gotta talk fast
To burn the steroid fever
Eating me up let it find peace
Not a secret it hurts
Only to be told I’m nuts
And it inflames to say I hope one day
They go through same as I
The pain and uncontrollable
Nature that is a body full
Of steroids and nerve blockers
A curse every coal burning vessel
All so I can walk like what
Certainly not a man
Just a dust swirl In afternoon light
Waiting for a place to settle down
Then the winds rush across the room
And I know I am done
Nowhere to turn nowhere to die
Thanks for misunderstanding
And at heart hating me
I feel ashamed for happiness
When it comes at such a price
Self promotion is a shadow self
Mannerisms locked into small cities
Noses turned up at the sight
Of a man who survived
Guess I should have died
Dignity intact than suffer
The horror greater than
The steroid burn
The horror of every joke
Heard as self pity
The stain
Being the stain of sin
In the footsteps
Leaving the room
After telling me never
Dedicate a piece again
Never let the cherished name
Cross my lips of gratitude
Damned in quietude
The steroid flames subside
After five days of endless
Rush and collapse I think OK
Nope, gotta get that go away email
Knowing it’s the drug not me
But every word is taken wrong
Every poem a steam of self pity
And for a line or two yeah,
Walk in my shoes feel it
Feel the bitter, stinging push of needle
To spine and as it rushes through
Knowing this is going to be one
Hell of a week but worse
But really not knowing just how
Much hell and for how long

Milarepa Freeing Channa of his Demon


This is from a story from the 100,000 Song of Milarepa, a Buddhist mystic, poet. It is the third in a series I am writing in combining his works so they are understandable for the modern age. The repetitive nature is essential as it is a chant/song, that echoes the Diamond Sutra. Milarepa’s cave above Devils Lake was always being invaded by one thing or another and this time it was 3 demons. He understood their evil nature so he fed them, get them drunk and then chanted holy sutras to free the bodies of the demon. In this case it was a demon who became known as Channa. Channa, the man, built several altars and a Buddhist temple in the Tibetan to Nepal plateau in honor of Gautama and for Milarepa. Much was done to get his works out Tibet when China slaughtered and robbed their way into a friendly annexation with Tibet. So, I am rewriting some works for modern times staying with the story itself and in the manner of repetition and chant as used to remove the demon so that the man, Channa could live. The works are amazing, beautiful, are of a Buddhist prophet and posses great meaning throughout. I hope that it is not too boring but a good story sometimes takes time and this is about an hour at best, but I promise if you let the words and the meter do their thing you will feel the depth of Mahayana Buddhist devotion and beauty in love for one another for a better world.

Death and Destruction Out for Their Daily Stroll


DEATH AND DESTRUCTION OUT FOR A STROLL
Let go of your ego and your shame
The desires of the soul will follow
She is evil, black blood drips upon the ground
A smile that is of withering heart and grin decay,
She comes as White Goddess and leaves as Mara
The destroying angel of justice and of love.
With her walks an equal in man:

the bleeding hanged man,
Noose forever bound around his neck,
Yet you try to help to make sense of it all.
Brothers and sisters, there is no making sense.
As one they split the bonds of man and wife,
Of partners, of love, sexuality does not matter,

nor do I wish to name or fall for some division scam

to satisfy every grain of sand as winds blow

and galaxies form and then they are born and die.

This is how they do it, This is how we lose.
Unless we wish all language become a series
Of definition a first, secondary, tertiary one until it fades.
From this earth we find only confusion, divison:

this is as a lack of point at all.

This is what they wanted and do force

and, you with us all are the trap.
If Death and Disease get their way
Upon this wretched daily stroll to destruct and separate,
It will surely come, and then who to blame is not the thing
We are the thing that must be changed. Do it! Do it now!

Song Above Demon Lake In Milarepa’s Cave (revised)


Meditation Song Above the Cave of Milarepa
A darkness rises upon your soul. There are many paths
A darkness rises upon your soul. There are many paths
A darkness upon your soul rises. There are many paths
A darkness upon your soul rises. There are many paths.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
The first with rotted scalp and beautiful face says his
prayers and meditations are folly.
The first with rotted mind and fallen face says his prayers
are all wasted and drawn from lies.
The first with love for the Great Deceiver tells me my prayers
could be turned to ways of disordered mind and deceit.
I say no. Leave me or listen. You have the choice.
Listen.
Demon flesh is not sexuality. It is destruction of self.
God gives us compassion I say. I can only wish they find the
path that leads to God and frees them from this demon flesh.
God gives us compassion I say. I can only wish they find the
path that leads to God and frees them from this demon flesh.
God gives me compassion I say. I can only wish you find the
path that leads to God and frees you from this demon flesh.
Love, I say. When is it not enough? We must Love.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who contemplate upon the Sacrifice.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who contemplate upon the Sacrifice.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who contemplate upon the Sacrifice.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who contemplate upon the Sacrifice.
Choice. We are given Love. But evil rules our land.
Evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger
Evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger.
Evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger.
Evil fucking evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger.
I know who lies.
I know who lies. What names you choose is up to you.
I know who lies. Our dharma is our choice we build upon.
I know who lies. All that is solid melts. I pray my eternal soul
melts and flows endlessly flowing in and out of Life’s plan.
I know who lies.
They dream on in phantasms of a dirt soul and only of ends,
never the continuation of action and reaction.
They dream on in phantasms of a dirt soil, only of ends,
never the continuation of action and reaction.
They dream on in phantasms of a dirt soul, only of ends,
never the continuation of action and reaction.
In all our oceans and the streams that feed them life changes
and adapts, many die, as will we.
In all ahr’ oceans and the streams that feed them life changes
and adapts, many die, as will we.
In all our oceans and the streams that feed them life changes
and adapts, many die, as will we.
I see the finite and hear their shallow heartbeats, thinking sin
and salvation does not apply to them.
I see the finite and hear their shallow heartbeats, thinking sin
and salvation does not apply to them.
I see the finite and hear their shallow heartbeats, thinking sin
and salvation does not apply to them.
It does.
It does matter.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
She worships deception and a larceny of faith.
He worships deception and a larceny of faith.
You worship deception and a larceny of faith.
They worship deception and a larceny of faith.
Thinking it a win to deceive those who offer trust, all you do
is dig deeper into coal mountains, death your lover.
Thinking it a win to deceive those who offer trust, all you do
is dig deeper into coal mountains, death your lover.
Thinking it a win to deceive those who offer trust, all you do
is dig deeper into coal mountains, death your lover.
I know. I must repeat. I must chant.
I know it is easy to say anything at all and not believe a word.
I know, I, it is easy to say anything at all and not believe a word.
I know it is easy to say anything at all and not believe a word.
I know you. I repeat because I see you.
I was you. I destroyed that “I”.
Even as I pray and meditate you think new ways of harm.
Even as I pray and meditate you think new ways of harm.
Even as I pray and meditate you think new ways of harm.
I know your lies. They are known. Leave me dark spirits.
Many paths. One God. Shut up you gossips and fools!
Giving over to the home of Siddhartha, hammered singing bowls of seven holy metals that ring then vibrate me in to sleep and Awake!
I sleep upon the floor where I console and sing, feeling your
song vibrate through me, I love you my friends, I love God who
makes it possible to love my friends and family.
I sleep upon the floor where I console and sing, feeling your
song vibrate through me, I love you my friends, I love God who
makes it possible to love my friends and family.
I sleep on the floor where I console and sing, feeling your
song vibrate through me, I love you my friends, to love God who
makes it possible we love friends and family.
Holiness shimmers through each ringing bowl as I stretch
aging flesh across these thick, slow barley and bamboo mats.
Holiness shimmers through each ringing bowl as I stretch my
aging flesh across these thick, slow barley and bamboo mats.
Holiness shimmers through each ringing bowl as I stretch my
aging flesh across these thick, slow barley and bamboo mats.
I see the growing thunderheads, heat lightening striking.
Oh, I stretch because I see so much beauty, so to love,
so to thwart the minds who think to fight for life is sadness,
but that is to have it wrong, so terribly wrong, we live to live,
to strike back demon Mara’s devils and those gone to fight
old strong and holy wheel of fire spinning Ezekiel;
for beauty is daily and daily reward we live as grace as eternal.
To strike back Mara’s grinning evil and risen dark angels, do it!
New paths for beauty and skies seen like ocean tides as wind.
Each path begins from suffering and evil, and each path ends
when skies are sky and beauty becomes us; not as struggle
but as gift, each path begins where Life has suffered, yet pure
heart and pure intention is not enough to paint sunsets orange.
Never stop, always never ever stop, for if we do then it has ended, with ends come dreams of was, when what we need are times of is and then the works of yet to be. I could say, to the glory of God I cannot help it, this I love. I beg, in your own wisdom to understand we must scare the demons away as Milarepa sang enchant the devils as Ezekiel fought that they die this very day . . . There’s a reason these stories exist and live.
And yeah, that’s it . . . yeah, that’s it.
(and this crew for conversations with my beloved friends, Carter Gilles, Aaron Wegelin, Jarad Blanton, Don Chambers, my sister Lynn Buckhalt, the table I dream of as last meal and conversation because you all inspire me. My dream of life and our own last supper those I want to have debates and discussions, poetry and beauty

A Chant (all speech is confession)


And Most of My Loves Turn and Run
I Say Please Stay It is my Life that Loves
I Cannot Help It, This Compassion

A darkness upon your soul rises. There are many paths
A darkness upon your soul rises. There are many paths
A darkness upon your soul rises. There are many paths
A darkness upon your soul rises. There are many paths.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
I meditate where the Lord places me and all evils return
to laugh at my trials.
The first with rotted scalp and beautiful face tells me my
prayers and meditations are folly.
The first with rotted mind and fallen face tells me my prayers
are wasted and drawn from lies.
The first with love for the Great Deceiver tells me my prayers
could be turned to ways of theft and deceit.
I say no. Leave me or listen. You have the choice.
Listen.
God gives me compassion I say. I can only wish you find the
path that leads to God and frees you from this demon flesh.
God gives me compassion I say. I can only wish you find the
path that leads to God and frees you from this demon flesh.
God gives me compassion I say. I can only wish you find the
path that leads to God and frees you from this demon flesh.
Love, I say. When is it not enough? We must Love.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who contemplate upon the Sacrifice.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who contemplate upon the Sacrifice.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who contemplate upon the Sacrifice.
God does not waste his love, he maintains and holds strong for
any who come to him, who pray and meditate upon the Sacrifice.
Choice. We are given Love.
Evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger
Evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger.
Evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger.
Evil dances across the land and the fallen worship hatred,
here stand the enemy and the will to love is yet even stronger.
I know who lies.
I know who lies. What names you choose is up to you.
I know who lies. Our dharma is our choice we build upon.
I know who lies. All that is solid melts. I pray my eternal soul
melts and flows endlessly flowing in and out of Life’s plan.
I know who lies.
They dream on in phantasms of a dirt soul and only of ends,
never the continuation of action and reaction.
They dream on in phantasms of a dirt soul and only of ends,
never the continuation of action and reaction.
They dream on in phantasms of a dirt soul and only of ends,
never the continuation of action and reaction.
In all our oceans and the streams that feed them life changes
and adapts, many die, as will we.
In all our oceans and the streams that feed them life changes
and adapts, many die, as will we.
In all our oceans and the streams that feed them life changes
and adapts, many die, as will we.
I see the finite and hear their shallow heartbeats, thinking sin
and salvation does not apply to them.
I see the finite and hear their shallow heartbeats, thinking sin
and salvation does not apply to them.
I see the finite and hear their shallow heartbeats, thinking sin
and salvation does not apply to them.
It does.
It does matter.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
It does matter for all we do is wrapped in cause and effect.
You worship deception and a larceny of faith.
You worship deception and a larceny of faith.
You worship deception and a larceny of faith.
You worship deception and a larceny of faith.
Thinking it a win to deceive those who offer trust, all you do
is dig deeper into coal mountains, death your lover.
Thinking it a win to deceive those who offer trust, all you do
is dig deeper into coal mountains, death your lover.
Thinking it a win to deceive those who offer trust, all you do
is dig deeper into coal mountains, death your lover.
I know. I must repeat. I must chant.
I know it is easy to say anything at all and not believe a word.
I know it is easy to say anything at all and not believe a word.
I know it is easy to say anything at all and not believe a word.
I know you. I repeat because I see you.
I was you. I destroyed that “I”.
Even as I pray and meditate you think new ways of harm.
Even as I pray and meditate you think new ways of harm .
Even as I pray and meditate you think new ways of harm.
I know your lies. They are known. Leave me dark spirits.
Many paths. One God. Shut up you gossips and fools!
I sleep upon the floor where I console and sing, feeling your
song vibrate through me, I love you my friends, I love God who
makes it possible I love my friends and family.
I sleep upon the floor where I console and sing, feeling your
song vibrate through me, I love you my friends, I love God who
makes it possible I love my friends and family.
I sleep upon the floor where I console and sing, feeling your
song vibrate through me, I love you my friends, I love God who
makes it possible I love my friends and family.
Holiness shimmers through each ringing bowl as I stretch my aging flesh across these thick, slow barley and bamboo mats.
Holiness shimmers through each ringing bowl as I stretch my
aging flesh across these thick, slow barley and bamboo mats.
Holiness shimmers through each ringing bowl as I stretch my
aging flesh across these thick, slow barley and bamboo mats.
I could say, to the glory of God and most of my Loves turn and run
I say please stay it is my life that Loves I cannot help it, this Compassion
I Love, I beg, in your own wisdom understand as I try to do so in return.

(Above Demon Lake) Milarepa Found 3 Demons Easy to Confuse


After reading the songs of Milarepa when he entered his cave above Demon Lake, a famous lake in North India where it is believed an octopus like demon lives. Thing is that the area is amazingly beautiful and the evil from west of there has not yet destroyed the life of this mountain region, where Pakistan cannot earthquakes try, so the Hundred Thousand Songs of Milarepa continue. Here there were three demons waiting in his meditation and sleeping cave to taunt him and to convince him they were minor angels here to bring him news of God. Milarepa saw the grinning death, as our Southern Blues sees that devil smile grinning into hell, so did he, so he sang them songs to mesmerize them and seduce them into a state of wonder. He was then able to disperse of them, as we should of those around us in whom we see thievery, deception, slothful slinking taking of what is you and these are marks of minor Deceptors. Stare down the shrouds that hide their nature and you will see, and then what? Sing. Charm. Seduce and lead them down into your own “demon lake” and as far away as possible before they suck away every touch of love, peace, in your soul.

For Roscoe Holcomb, Vocals Banjo


Fifth poem for Mendocino Blues
This is about Roscoe Holcomb one of the most transcendental, high pitched, claw finger banjo and guitar players discovered by accident in the Kentucky hills. One of the most moving musicians found in those early years of the 60s when people were searching our mountains for singers and story tellers who connected us back to Scotland and Ireland to the folk songs older than folk.

Protest Discord Melodic Despise Trump Drone


AN AMERICAN NIGHTMARE IN ORANGE AND GREY

This is a protest song. I despise the new president, am ashamed of his inaugural speech and have nothing good at all to say of him. Tell my close friends and family you are worried because this is a discordant and melodic, awful vocals, distorted to squeeks and squawks in some parts and is hateful, just all out spiteful and hateful for the beast in chief. If you know you will dislike it and need to tell me I am an idiot and antiAmerican dumbass, fine, First Amedment allows us this pleasure just be nicer to me than I am towards that family.. I will delete it anyway. That aside, I hope you give it a chance. Hear it as modernist, as protest and for the craft. I worked 12 hours finalizing it. It is not easy to sing as badly as I do. I do not understand why people like him, and when they try to tell me they always turn devilish and mean which speaks volumes more than my paltry work. Peace, Love, Hope.

I wish it used the attached photo when I post to FB or other sources instead of photo of me in heaven with Hong Kong Cuisine.